It seems impossible to forgive what seems unforgivable.
Left untreated, it will take us down in the process.
I learned some things about forgiveness. In me there was a shallow forgiveness, well-intentioned but not complete. God revealed to me a whole abysmal level of unforgiveness deep within me. It was then that I sorrowed and grieved for that which was lost, releasing it into the arms of my loving heavenly Father.
Forgiving does not excuse the the injurious act. Faith puts it in God's hands. God comes in and ministers to us in the process.
It was convicting to know this about myself.
A Godly sorrow leads to repentance. That morning, I looked at our years of history together, the hard parts that had stung, repeatedly penetrating into the soft layers of our hearts---the twenty-one years of trying but rarely understanding each other. There were many wrongs, most I had forgiven, but their pain was still real. I knew that I must release him, his part in it, and let my silent, white anger go. Then, deal with my part. I found myself writing a list stating the times when I had been ungrateful or unappreciative of his efforts, the times I had caused pain by my words or actions---my tears blurring my vision as the list grew in length.
It was painful, heart-felt.
I was set free.
my inner person.
I've never regretted it.
The offender's response didn't matter, that wasn't the reason.
I forgave from my heart.
Forgiveness is just one of the many facilitators of this process. Forgiving the one who owes you is to remove yourself from their power over you. The memory of their actions will no longer ferment inside of you because you have given freely of your will in the matter. The torment is defused. By releasing the injury and the person, you are able to live again. No, it isn't fair. No, they didn't get what they deserved. That's not the point. You cannot change them, you can only change yourself.
Forgiving someone who has wronged you is a spiritual act of divine proportions.
Forgiveness gives you wings to fly again.
Norma Brumbaugh is part of the When a Woman Finds Her Voice Book Launch Team.
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