A fool or wise? It ended because of our church differences. I didn’t think it could work. I found myself being pulled in two ways, my love and caring for him in one way, and my love and caring for my church and its beliefs in the other way. I had promised myself to God, and I knew God's plan for me had to come first. Before the breakup I found myself debating our differences in my mind. Some of it was over biblical things like doctrine and theology. This man was also pursuing God’s direction in His church, it was leading him toward shepherd status. As I thought it through, I believed it was best for him to have a woman by his side who interpreted scripture the same as he did, someone with the same theological positions. I didn't know how deeply it would hurt me, how much I cared, nor how it would be like grief and sorrow in the aftermath.
Later God showed me that when He is in something He makes a way. And that I could find a home in a liturgical church and be at peace. But, I was short-sighted at the time, worrying about losing certain ways of worship found in my church’s approach and delivery. In time, God used this to open my eyes to the central truths about scripture and to see the universal Church in a new light. He showed me many other things through my intentional reading and times of prayer. I grew from this experience in many ways. It broadened my understanding in rich and amazing ways. I opened a new door and walked through. This would not have happened without my lost friendship. I saw something I had missed out on in my past spiritual teachings and experiences. But that is another story.
The door was shut. It became clear to me in the months to follow, that my love for him ran deep. I realized that I could judge him, but what good would that do? What he had done for me in being a part of my life though only temporarily, far surpassed anything else, trumped the closed door. I wanted this friendship to renew. I wanted his forgiveness most of all. I wrote him and shared my thoughts, tried to explain. In the next few months, I saw him a couple of times, and I asked his forgiveness. I felt my feelings stir and collide. And, I understood that my heart was not free.
|My first shipment of books arrives, October 11, 2012.|
Amazon Link is HERE
Since I have not read an entire book in many years (I read so much at work) this is my testimony of how special your book is. I usually start reading and am asleep in minutes, but I could not stop reading your book. God Bless you for sharing your faith in this beautiful way. . . I will be sharing with my family and friends.”