WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU'RE LOVE CHALLENGED

WHEN YOU ARE  LOVE CHALLENGED

There’s an art to loving well.

But loving like that doesn't grow on trees. It doesn't magically happen. 

Can a person learn to love who wasn’t loved in childhood? I was loved as a child as were my siblings so any answer I produce in response to the question is not from my own personal experience other than a problematic marriage.

I’ve read a lot of books from a variety of perspectives and experiences that touch on this subject. Love is tricky. You can’t make yourself love just because you want to, and I don’t mean 'making love.'

You can’t fake it till you make it. 

Love comes from within. Love originates inside intrinsically, and from outside, like in parent--child bonding. Trust and distrust are learned relational behaviors.

An infant, toddler, preschooler, gradeschooler, and teenager are all sensitive to their environment. Gaps form from constant neglect, abuse, emotional injury and deprivation. You can’t give what you don’t have.

Back to the original question, can you learn to love when you weren’t loved? Here’s my take. I believe it is possible. It depends on several factors falling into place, which includes doing the hard work.

How so? 

You have to want to love.  You have to chase it by dealing with your past, sorting it out, letting God help you, and learning all you can that is helpful, non addictive, healthy and healing.

At best, learning to love is a slow journey. Having God in your life is the best thing you have going for you. God is love. His love is transformative. He heals in watershed moments, in layers of healing that transpire in segments over time. You were damaged in layers, you heal in layers.

I’ve known and know of people who now love well but weren’t loved in their pasts. They’ve traveled a journey to change it up. It wasn't easy. They had to give up self-protective behaviors and addictions, manipulative and self-serving relationships.

Their stunted lives blossomed. 

They’ve had deep healing. Their empathy for others on the journey is remarkable. Their demons no longer haunt them. Most are in a community that understands, loves, and is supportive.

Learning to love well is worth pursuing, however long it takes.
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Photo by Tim Mossholder, Unsplash

I'm Free Today: Intervention, no. 4

Bound Yesterday, Free Today

Finding God in the Daily

If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

 John 8:36

The destination of the spiritual sojourner unfolds as it is lived out. 

I AM A FREE PERSON TODAY.  It hasn’t always been this way. Life used to be confusing and less fulfilling. Through a soul-changing process over time God brought me to a place of freedom and joy. It's changed my life and my perspectives. 

My point of view has altered somewhat as to what it is to be a sweet aroma of Christ in the world, church, and community. Love and grace are spiritually endued gifts of any Christian. 

God uses us.

The more we develop our spiritual, emotional, mental, and intellectual lives,
   the more we rely on the Spirit to guide and enable us,
      the more we are in-tune with others,
          the more we exhibit the fruits of the spirit,
              > the more we can expect God to use us in others' lives.

The time comes, though, when there is a drain on personal energy and supply: Some whom we help take advantage, some have physical, mental, and emotional needs, not to mention their addictions and dysfunction. As much as we may want to, we can't meet every need nor are we equipped to do so.

Two concerns
1) We can't help everybody nor would it be wise to do so. Common sense is needed.
2) We can't give them what we don't have ourselves. Platitudes mean little.

Two solutions
1) Use discernment and godly wisdom and follow your gut feeling. Be wise spiritually.
2) Share what you have those times God puts someone in your path. Be pro-active.

Like much in Christian life, we can't do this kind of thing in our own strength (unless our talents are in that area). It is best to rely on God to facilitate the discussion. This enables us to do and say what we didn't think ourselves capable of doing and saying. It is a beautiful thing to be used by God-- wherever it takes us, to assist whomever.

God loves others through our obedience to Him. God uses what we know and the power of our transformation to be lights in the world. This has everything to do with our embracing Christ and His embracing us back. God is in control. He is the loving controller of our lives and all things. Notice where He is at work.

After experiencing my spiritual transformation--from a spiritual life based on duty and performance to a spiritual life based on love and God’s goodness--I can look at my back trail and see parallels in my choices and the way God uses them for the better good.

God healed pockets of painful emotions within me. These areas blinded me to the true condition of my inner self. Now that I'm free from their bondage I can speak to the need. I promised God I would do so back in 2002. This is why I want other silent suffers to tap into real, loving, enlivened, spiritual life.

Dear Father, You are a good God. You make us to lie down by still waters. You restore our souls. You lead us in the paths of righteousness for Your name's sake and our betterment. Praise and thanksgiving. Amen

More to come.

To God be the Glory

A message of life.

Inspiration 43