WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU'RE LOVE CHALLENGED

WHEN YOU ARE  LOVE CHALLENGED

There’s an art to loving well.

But loving like that doesn't grow on trees. It doesn't magically happen. 

Can a person learn to love who wasn’t loved in childhood? I was loved as a child as were my siblings so any answer I produce in response to the question is not from my own personal experience other than a problematic marriage.

I’ve read a lot of books from a variety of perspectives and experiences that touch on this subject. Love is tricky. You can’t make yourself love just because you want to, and I don’t mean 'making love.'

You can’t fake it till you make it. 

Love comes from within. Love originates inside intrinsically, and from outside, like in parent--child bonding. Trust and distrust are learned relational behaviors.

An infant, toddler, preschooler, gradeschooler, and teenager are all sensitive to their environment. Gaps form from constant neglect, abuse, emotional injury and deprivation. You can’t give what you don’t have.

Back to the original question, can you learn to love when you weren’t loved? Here’s my take. I believe it is possible. It depends on several factors falling into place, which includes doing the hard work.

How so? 

You have to want to love.  You have to chase it by dealing with your past, sorting it out, letting God help you, and learning all you can that is helpful, non addictive, healthy and healing.

At best, learning to love is a slow journey. Having God in your life is the best thing you have going for you. God is love. His love is transformative. He heals in watershed moments, in layers of healing that transpire in segments over time. You were damaged in layers, you heal in layers.

I’ve known and know of people who now love well but weren’t loved in their pasts. They’ve traveled a journey to change it up. It wasn't easy. They had to give up self-protective behaviors and addictions, manipulative and self-serving relationships.

Their stunted lives blossomed. 

They’ve had deep healing. Their empathy for others on the journey is remarkable. Their demons no longer haunt them. Most are in a community that understands, loves, and is supportive.

Learning to love well is worth pursuing, however long it takes.
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Photo by Tim Mossholder, Unsplash

What to Do When You're Broken, Wounded, and Discouraged

Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 

1 Peter 5:7

God's way is perfect, converting the soul.

A person’s spiritual health needs to regain its balance in the aftermath of broken relationships. It is an untidy business. One has to navigate through a complicated maze of thoughts and feelings to sort out what is true and what is not true about the other person, ourselves, and any contributing factors. Getting past self-pity and stinking-thinking is needful for a healthier spiritual self.

The microscope of God is uncomfortable but necessary for a spirit-led recovery. Many prefer to not go there. They wear blinders and put up a facade, a pretense that says, I’m okay. Though they may not realize it, they exhibit a false front, a projection of wholeness that isn't quite true. It soon derails. The deadness will remain. Life will dry up. What to do?

Pain has a way of numbing reactions which circumvents the ability to move forward. You can get lost in the hurt. There are times when loss is so devastating that you are upended, unable to carry on. All you can do is cry out to God. That place of brokenness is where it starts.

At this point it is essential to release your needs and desires to God that you might access his healing grace and divine intervention. Lifting your prayers in openness and brokenness is something God uses to unfold a master plan for our lives. God knows what we need—and he will provide it. He binds wounds and heals hearts. God doesn’t waste anything.

A stronger spirit life is something we receive as we draw from the deep well of God. He has resources to help us restore, renew and revitalize.

In making something new out of something broken,
-God gives us friends and mentors to guide and encourage,
     -scripture and writings to  teach and illuminate, 
            -prayer and meditation to comfort and console. 
God uses these to transform our life into a masterpiece of rare beauty. Trust God to do this for you.

Dear Father God, when I am weak you are strong. I ask for strength to carry on and the courage to move forward.