AN UNLIKELY JOURNEY

  AWAKEN

WE SPIRITUALLY AWAKEN in fits and spurts. Not one size fits all. Individual though it may be, how far or deep the awakening rests with the individual. They must want it. The desire then blooms. Once it does, a craving for spiritual truth opens it up. 

To go ‘further still’ requires intention as the pursuit unleashes an energy that loves what is being pursued. 

The more the pursuit intensifies, the more delight it brings, and the more the soul finds its satisfaction. The real kicker is when spirituality becomes more than an intellectual pursuit of knowledge to become a personal pursuit of knowing God. Spiritual living became this to me in 2002, after decades of service in the church.

My spiritual journey is an honest one at least as much as is possible within me. I am a seeker of God and a follower of his way. God has healed me and renewed me. My life is changed because of God. I owe him a debt of gratitude. 

Father God blesses me at his table of grace and fills me with his ever-deepening love. I have received God’s unmerited favor. I experience his unadulterated peace and holy presence. To be God’s child is lovely beyond loveliness. I am safe and secure in my Father’s house.

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For more, visit my author site at nlbrumbaugh.com.

Night Sky in All Its Beauty

Life is so interesting. Sometimes I get stuck and feel like I'm running in place. Other times it is absolutely delightful.

The other night I was at my dad's place out in the country. The night sky was deep indigo and I could see the Big Dipper and a multitude of brightly shining stars. The air was crisp-cool and a light breeze was tingling my arms.

So lovely, exquisitely beautiful.

Beauty after loss is a wonderful tonic for the tender heart.

Photo: Unsplash

FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE

My son surprised me with this cell phone photo in a text message. He told me he was going to visit my sister. I wasn't expecting the photo. It made me emotional, of course, and it took me down memory lane. The day we buried her was a complex mix of unbelief, sorrow, and grief.

My son was eleven when his aunt, my sister Lois, passed away. Now, a quarter century later, he is back at the hillside cemetery in Stayton, Oregon. His first time revisiting the very spot where she is at rest. It took him about an hour to locate her marker. Then he sent me this photo and told me he said "hi" to her for me.

I wonder what emotion he feels, and his thoughts. The two--his wanting to pay his respects and the memory of her--warm my heart.

We never stop loving. Those we have lost continue to be a part of us.

In life, our lives intersect, and we may experience an everlasting bond. Our connections with family, siblings, parents, mates, and children and even those who are like family to us, have many differing threads. These may be sweet or not so much. Our lives are influenced by the intricate web these threads weave that make up the tapestry of our lives.

Sometimes these change the trajectory of our lives. I spend a few to many hours a week fulfilling a promise I made after losing my sister. She had been troubled, depressed, and had lost her way. When our family got the call, it was already to late.

We all grieve differently. I promised myself and God that I would learn more and be more available to those who struggle with life. I also have become more sensitive to the actual struggle. Life IS hard. There's no denying it. Words are not enough. I believe caring with feet on it is part of the answer.

I see life and my part in it differently than I used to. I want to love people without bias, judgment, or categorizing; that's the desire. Is it easy? No. I've had to change my way of thinking and become more flexible.

I think Lois was part of that. Her loss was part of an awakening in me, to do more, to be kind, to validate what I can validate, to speak truth in love, to abandon what gets in the way of these.

I miss my sister and always will. She was a beautiful person. I'm glad my son wanted to validate her memory. That means something to me. She would have been pleased with the man he has become. I know it in my heart.

Life is too short. Love well. Be good.

Thank you, my son.

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Olympics & The Heart of a Champion

An Olympic Champion. 
  
I always enjoy the Olympics. I've watched them through many seasons of life, starting with my childhood. I have my favorites in the select group of Olympic champions. Thanks to the internet, I can enjoy revisiting their moments of triumph, and those other times when I thought they should have won, and they didn't, their performance so lovely it brought tears to my eyes and warmth to my soul.

One observes the heart of a champion, a desire within like a flame that refuses to die, increasing in brightness as it gains it's strength--despite setbacks and disappointments. We saw a few of these in the past two weeks. They persevered regardless of major physical traumas from past competitions and some failures that mentally would have to be overcome. They arrived, loaded for bear! Ready to compete as an overcomer, a champion; one who is not easily deterred.

It is also hard to see champions fail, or lose their edge. Yet, their flame is still lit and glowing. It will always glow brightly. It's in their blood, the heart of a champion. They live in our memories like fond friends. We enjoy seeing them on t.v. or whenever we get a chance. Some will live on forever. I respect their courage, fortitude, and achievements.

Thanks to all the hardworking families, who sacrifice to support their children's dreams; a dream that is nurtured and developed until one day they shine brightly on the world stage. Those of us sitting at home in our places of ease, do not know the true cost and joy of a champion's pursuit of perfection. It started with a belief, that grew to a desire, was flamed into a dream, developed through time and tears, and blossomed into an olympic champion.

Thank you. You are talented, persevering, and beautiful. We appreciate you and your hard work and the effort with which you reach to the stars. Carry on!


#The Olympics #Olympic champion

Character is as Character does

Character: You can't manufacture it. You must cultivate it.

I guess I'm a little old fashioned.
There are some things I miss, living in this day and age. I miss the old days when a person's word was their bond, when a handshake meant good faith that each person would keep their agreement. I miss people being honest, valuing integrity, and honorable in action and deed, when lying was considered a sin and not part of doing business, covering one's tracks, as in the end justifies the means. I dislike the term "I lied," spoken so easily and frequently by people from all walks of life, who don't think twice about the lies they tell to make the story jive for their benefit.
My parents raised us to be people of character.
My parents were intentional about their responsibility in raising us to be good stewards with our lives. They followed the golden rule and the ten commandments in their own lives, and they expected the same from us. I learned to believe in a wrong and a right with few gray areas. Although it sounds harsh by today's relaxed standards, I don't believe it was. In fact, living with a sense of propriety was sensible, practical, and important, allowing a framework for making life's choices.
As a teenager and then as a young adult, I began to form my own character.
It came down to choices. It is still about choices. It will always be about choices. Every day we make choices. The choices matter. To develop character that has staying power, one must figure out the parameters that will become the boundaries for the way each will live out their life. Without these boundaries, compromise is swift, it is around every corner at work, in every school, and part of every kind of entertainment. A guard must be erected within one's thinking. This is necessary to keep one's mind clean, one's habits appropriate, one's business honest, one's behaviors circumspect. A Christian should care about their character since it is attached to Christ's name. It takes on a greater meaning. God wants us to be people of his way, and his way is just and pure, loving and kind, forgiving and strong.
Suggestions for building character:
1. Look at the guidelines found in the scriptures. The Ten Commandments' guidelines are a starting point.
2. Determine that you will choose to live honestly and with integrity (even when it is challenging).
3. Choose like-minded friends who live in a similar way. Stay away from people who negatively influence you or bring you down.
4. Remove yourself from areas that lead to compromise, addictive behavior, or deceitful practices.
5. Do the right thing, even if you have to go it alone. Stand by your principles (know what they are).
6. Don't cheat, brag, or self-promote; don't devalue others, put-down others, or act with prejudice.
7. Humble yourself, tone down the over-reaching pride, be grateful for the gifts you've been given.
8. Help others, often, and with little thought for self. This is a beautiful character trait!
9. Self-assess frequently, keep yourself in check, notice warning signs...those little temptations.
10. Strive to be kind in word, action, and attitude. Bless others by caring about them. 

A farmer must plant the seed in fertile ground. He cultivates the ground, then plants the seed in the tilled soil. The farmer waters the seed, he removes the weeds, he adds nutrients to the soil. The farmer prunes when needed, and encourages sunlight to reach the plants for abundant growth. The crop is harvested after all this has been completed, after much effort, time, and expense has been incurred. The same is true for character. It is developed, nurtured, lived out. It will have a good harvest when the cycle is completed. People of character stand out. They are believed and not doubted. They are honored and not despised. They have depth beyond their peers. Character matters.

Love Hunger is Universal

What do you need? What do I need? What is the greatest need we all have as humans?
You need love. I need love. We all need to be loved. It is our greatest need.

People can meet that need. Some will love us. The fortunate ones are loved from the moment of their birth. Their family is crazy about them. Some are not so fortunate.

Back in the 1980s, I remember when my son was in the hospital for two weeks. He was in the pediatric unit with his legs strapped up in traction. In the room next to us there was an infant, a baby about two months old. This baby was born with multiple birth defects. His hands and feet were bound in wrappings and it was mentioned to me that he had hydrocephalus as well. The room where he lay in a crib was always dark. Never once did I see a visitor or family member in his room. The on-duty nurse would care for him, but no one held him for more than a few minutes at a time. Rarely was he taken out of the room. The little guy seemed abandoned, unwanted, and he seemed to receive only the basics of care. It made me wonder the particulars. It bothered me. I felt it in my maternal heart, that he was being withheld from bonding with an adult, as if his little life didn't matter. We need love to survive. He needed love. That was the point. The neglect of one so young hurt me to watch. Some have known so little love.

There is one who meets our love-hunger need. It is Jesus. He meets our need to be loved regardless of what the world around us should imply about our worth and value. Jesus walks with us. He talks with us. He listens to our woes and celebrates our joys. Jesus caries our burdens and lifts our cares, even when we are too weary to ask him to do that for us.

Jesus loves you. He always will love you. You can count on his love. It never fails. Never, ever fails. You can take that to the bank!

The Effects of Loss and What to Do About It.

Loss affects all of us. It is one of those hard things you can't deflect. It comes when it comes. There is no stopping it. The effects of loss crowd into our lives like unwelcome intruders, sabotaging our happiness in sad, hurtful, confusing, difficult-to-deal-with ways.  Lost love is a particularly painful loss. It hits hard: separation, divorce, abandonment, relationship break-ups, rejection, dementia, and death.  Some losses take a toll in our personal lives. We lose jobs and positions, status and reputation. We lose our innocence, health, finances, possessions, family, and friendships.

When loss occurs, we are forced to make a choice. What will we do with the bad that just happened to us? Will we meet it head-on, or will we run from it? To be healthy in our emotions after a loss requires that we become proactive in our response to it. The emotion must be figured out, the hidden message we have believed about ourselves (or others) as a result of the loss, that has undermined our steps and brought us to a screeching halt. The feelings of blame or regret, anger or bitterness, towards others, self, or God.

The pain of loss is strong. Because of this, the cure or remediation will take time, effort, and determination. One must not hide, live in denial, bury or shield the pain. One must choose a better thing, choose life and healing, and another new day. Loss, of any kind, has a grieving period attached. It takes time to sort through the thoughts and feelings associated with the loss. To deny this, is to shut down one's emotions, an unhealthy way of coping. Moving forward, as we deal with loss, will come as we look for answers, solutions, and find them.

If you are in the middle of a personal crisis that has loss attached, I want you to know that you will make it. Do not despair. The sun will rise again. A new day will be yours. Joy comes in the morning. You will find your new path. It may take hours, days, months, or years ... but you will find your way to happiness once again. Join me and many others who have crawled out of the pit, who have been side-lined many times by a curve ball from out of no-where, and chose to hang on to hope for dear life  ... and it delivered.

Blessings always,
Norma

Valentine's Day is a hard day for many of us. Be encouraged, anyways. Find your hope. There is always hope. You can count on it.


#loss #healing #hope #grief #emotions, #grieving, #pain , job loss, relationship loss

Writing, Money, and Purpose

Is Writing about Making Money or is Writing about Communicating a Message?

Writing is not all about making money, creating a name for yourself, or building a following. I think not.Those things are part of the deal, but not the most important element.   
Writing is about passion. It's about having something to say that is worth saying, that the writer believes has merit and meaning. It has an objective. Writing is communicating big ideas in carefully crafted wordings. Writing is speaking with a musicality endearing to the reader, causing them to want more. Writing with substance is to take writing to a level of purposed endeavor which will influence and create something of value for its intended audience.  I believe if we only write to make money, then we have missed the point of the greater reason.

If it is only about dollars and cents, writing will be of a temporary quality with little lasting value. Cranking out volumes of text to print for this purpose only--to pay the bills--in itself is not what writing, in its pure form, is about. Writing which captures ideas to bring them to life, and incorporates understanding of human foibles, errors and triumphs, will endure and become legendary. 
The test of time will sift the wheat from the chaff. Time showcases the people who know how to write, to spill their guts, to make language speak in ways people can hear whereby causing the cream to rise to the top. Real writing has something to say that is worth saying, if not for others at least for one's self.
                                                                        
Great writers write because their voices refuse to be silent.  
The fire burns within them. Some writers did their writing from prison cells where they languished for their beliefs of no compromise nor deliverance. Thoughts came to them in the quietness of the hidden place behind walls of darkness. There, some of the greatest works blossomed within the harshness of their crucible. The spirit within them would not die or disbelieve in the greater good that could be accomplished if the truth could be released from out of the bowels of their tomb. Some authors' works speak louder in today's world than in the day in which they were written. #Tolkien, Lewis, #Bonhoeffer, #Solzhenitsyn, #Bunyan, the apostle Paul, Saint John, #Merton, and #Chesterton, to name a few, had much to say that came out of lives bound to a greater purpose. The world is a better place, richer in dimension, because of their contributions.
    
Passion and writing are like hand in glove, one needs the other to make it work. Writing is the observation of the nuances of language and emotions of life, showing the spirit of the spiritual and evil of the diabolical, coming together in an on-going clash of plot and message, teaching through subliminal message and characterization through carefully constructed plots which weave the very essence of life and living.  
Writers write like sculptors sculpt. They release the image through the uniting of their soul with the material at hand, seeing the hidden message found in beauty or distress by means of expression with unexpected and unusual clarity. Their words take us to the place, emotion, belief, or conflict. Our eyes see through their words.

#Writing #Fine literature #Classics #Authors

Character is a Choice

In life there are some areas that matter far more than wealth, power or fame. Although we don't talk about them much, they are there nevertheless. I want to talk about one of them. It is so integral to person-hood and self realization; it is the area of character.

We have certain perceptions about character. We believe it is taught--and it is: we believe it is formed--and it is. We believe that a set of guiding principles are what character traits hold true--and they are indeed. There is one more thing that character is about. It is an internal dial that is constantly moving us through the moment by moment occasions of each day, like a compass giving us direction. Personal habits influence character. Belief fuels our choices. Until we cement our personal boundaries, the daily stuff may become a minefield of temptations, a cage of internal conflicts that form areas of bondage we must battle and struggle against.  Someone's character is trashed when they succumb to the forces of lust or some form of want or greed. This comes quite naturally as we all know.  

No matter how vigilant, one is always vulnerable. One must determine what they hold sacred, what values they WILL live by and stand by through thick and thin. Areas of non-compromise. I believe the battle for character is won deep on the inside of the person. Especially in the context of a society at large which no longer supports a standard of acceptable behaviors that are wholesome. The assault on cultural mores opens up avenues for degradation we never thought possible, the slide down hill into the quagmire. One has to go up the hill, plan for the future. Choose how one is going to live their life in the actions of the will. We as individuals are always responsible for our own actions. We make the choices in most circumstances--except those whom have had the wrong thrust upon them by wrong-minded adults and others. These are not of their doing. Character is precious. We may not agree on politics or religion but we respect a person who lives a life of character and integrity.

CHARACTER MATTERS
Be careful of your THOUGHTS:
For your Thoughts become your WORDS.
Be careful of your WORDS;
For your Words become your ACTIONS.
Be careful of your ACTIONS;
For your Actions become your HABITS.
Be careful of you HABITS;
For your Habits become your CHARACTER.
Be careful of your CHARACTER;
For your Character becomes your DESTINY.

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost;
When health is lost, something is lost;
When character is lost, all is lost.
Sow a thought and you reap an act;
Sow an act and you reap a habit;
Sow a habit and you reap a character;
Sow a character and you reap a destiny.

                                                           Poem - courtesy of Pete Coulson

#Character Matters

Truth is True, Opinion can Counterfeit as Truth

National Monument to the Forefathers: Plymouth, Massachusetts

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  "The monument depicts Faith, and Faith is pointing to God and has an open Geneva Bible and a star of wisdom." Marshall Foster.  Photo and quote from Wikipedia. Statue is featured in the movie, Monumental, a movie about the bedrock beliefs that shaped America, starring Kirk Cameron.

Truth is always true. Truth cannot be manipulated. It either is the truth or it isn't the truth. If something is true and always will be true, it is incapable of being something it is not. It is no longer easy to talk about truth. It has become a 'dirty' little concept in many circles. Why is this? I could say why I think it is this way, but that isn't necessary. Truth represents a standard, an absolute, something unyielding. The natural parameters of truth, in its purity, get in the way of its fully being embraced. It has limits that determine behavior. It may be easier to denounce or avoid what is true because then a life can be lived without binding restraint.

If truth were to bend it would not be truth. The nature of truth means it cannot be manipulated. ‘Find your own truth’ is a statement one hears which seems to mean, what is true for that individual person.  That statement seems in-congruent with the steadfastness of truth. Yet, we all understand its meaning. It is a subjective truth, truth based on the individual’s belief. or dare I say, their opinion on what is true. In truth, true truth is based on something that will always remain true—the same--it will never change. It is wrong to steal. That will always be true, an agreed upon principle for behavior, even though people steal in little deceitful ways and big obtuse ways. The truth will always be the truth, regardless of whether it is believed or not. Truth stands alone. If it is an inconvenient truth, then it may be hidden or buried or disbelieved.

Understanding truth can be a little complicated. There was one time when I stood alone for something I believed in. It was in the workplace. I felt I must stand up if I was to be true to my own convictions and self. So, in a sense, the thing I stood up for may be perceived as ‘my own truth,’ and my colleagues, in their respect, were living out their ‘own truth.’ I believed in a truth but others did not see it as I saw it. We differed in our understanding, perceptions and beliefs, in a situation, it could be argued, where there was no true right or wrong. We all felt passionate about what we believed and it was not easy.

There are times when truth is being compromised. Whistle blowers seek to expose the truth, the coverup, the corruption, the wrong doings and wrong behaviors. This is difficult and even may be deadly. They know a truth, an unpopular truth, that to expose will be of potential risk to them. Someone I know experienced this very scenario. He was in a management position with an agriculture processing company. During the course of his work, he uncovered some inside corruption. He went to the top with his findings. The truth was quickly silenced. He was given notice. It stung. But he knew--that didn’t make it any less the truth. Spiritually speaking, truth is what binds the Bible together cover to cover.

Christ said some astonishing words that few, if any, could comprehend at the time. “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the father except through me.” He was claiming to be The Truth, not just as a way to find truth. His sacrificial life (life, death, and resurrection) backed up these words. These were not empty promises with false hope nor were they rash words. Jesus’ death and resurrection validated his earlier claims, proving the Messenger’s message as true, a truth for in that day and still apropos for our present day and on ahead into future centuries.

People have an awareness of truth even if they do not believe the the concept of a universal truth. An argument for the defense of truth is found in everyone's conscience. Embedded within our thinking is a strong sense of right and wrong. Even a very young child displays an awareness of this. They will hide when they sneak something that doesn’t belong to them. People cry 'foul' when there is a cover-up or lack of equality in some way that affects their person or community or even nation. Fair treatment is action everyone understands and expects. “Just’ treatment is in the same category, both related to a sense of what is true, what is right societal behavior. “Speak the whole truth and nothing but the truth,” are not fanciful or empty words. When testifying in court, the unvarnished truth contains the facts,  as they were at the time and not as we wish they had been. Nothing but the truth is resolute. It cannot be manipulated through embellishment or minimization of details. Truth is connected to a code of behavior. Truth-telling has its basis in truth. Truth can not be shaken or destroyed. It remains and endures.

            

Jesus Christ makes no apology. His very life was a defending of truth. He was a Rock in the sifting sands of time and shifting waves of public opinion. To this day, we can measure truth by actualizing the life of Christ. The Sermon on the Mount, found in the gospel of Matthew, chapters 5, 6, and 7 is truth we are well advised to heed that it might go well with us. Framed in Christ’s words is how truth should be lived.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall  inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when other revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matthew 5:3-12) ESV 

 Truth, would not be truth if manipulated by changing days and societal mores. The things of which Christ said are most important are not on many agendas or to-do lists. That doesn't make them any less true. We see a few saints who qualify for the groupings listed above. Their understanding of truth is lived out God's way. It is as if God's truth flows into them and then flows out of their spirit. It is of a different quality than the world around them. Truth has a reality about it that frames the question. Many people believe that truth is relative. It it is relative, then it couldn't possibly be truth. The two are in contradiction.

A rose is a rose ...
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#truth telling #opinion #spiritual #Beatitudes #Jesus and truth #relative truth #Monumental #Kirk Cameron

The Monastic Life & The Monks of Vina

Book in Process: Monastic Interlude
Away from it all for a Moment in Time
 From my book: Excerpt from Visit 3 

 The Monks of Vina

The Monks of Vina, a movie documentary, takes us inside--really inside the walls, past the formal structures of the monastery. It delves into the thinking of some of the monks--several times over. Their personalities emerge, the joyful, the quiet, the contemplative, the artist, the potter, the unsure novice--monk in training, and so forth. It is enjoyable to watch the story of young men and older men who wrestle with the Calling to monastic life, to become a monastic. It is to give up everything material in order to gain everything in God. For three years those on the journey serve as novices until the time of their vows. It is a time of searching and learning. It is a cultural shock for them as they leave the outside world for the simple life. One of much prayer and quietness. 

An older monk, shared the difficulty he had coming to a place of peace right before he took his vows. Once it came, he was settled and at peace. That sense of peace lasted around ten years before another period of unsettled feelings surfaced and were addressed. He had played semi-pro baseball in his younger years. There was a picture of him pitching a ball at eighty-one years of age. It looked like he still could smack it right-nicely into the catcher’s glove. Amazing.There is very little talking in a trappist monastery. They work and eat mostly in silence. Upon entering the monastic society, the monks give up their worldly possessions. There is a place where a few of their former possessions are stored away. It reminds me of what we do with our garage items. It was emphasized that one cannot join a monastic community to run away from yourself or your problems. Self will need to be addressed.

 For me, the culmination of the evening was a spiritual thought. It came when the abbot answered a question during the Q & A session which followed the showing of the movie. The question was asked, "Why do you bless the grapes? What do you expect it to do?" 

The answer was beautiful. It went something like this, “As monks in a monastery, you would expect us to believe in the spiritual. We believe our lives are influenced by God and we want to be all God would want us to be. Not only as people are we blessed by God, but the things in the world are a part of the blessing of God. God's blessings do not stay only with the people. We bless the grapes that they might bring blessings to the people who enjoy them, as they drink the fruit of the vine. And, if they drink enough of it, they’ll be happy, too!” Everyone laughed at his ending statement. I had to agree. He was right. All we have comes from God and is a part of the grand scheme of things. 
A blessing is a prayer of grace toward others.

# spiritual #Trappist #God #wine
#The Monks of Vina #monastery #movie #contemplative 

When God Speaks: Repentance and Faith

Moments with God are never lost. They are stored up in heaven.

A time of quietness with God this morning. 
I was reflecting and meditating on verses of scripture. Then these thoughts:
 

CONSOLATION

Would you speak to me today?

I am answering your prayers—faithfully.

You are always faithful to me.

What does repentance require?

Truth, an honest heart, humbleness before your God, heed to my words, contrition for sins you have committed. Desire for me. Openness and sorrow for wrong-doing.

What impedes repentance?

Blindness, spiritual blindness. Callousness toward the things of God and righteous living. Self-grandizing, self satisfied actions. Lies and bitter roots of envy. Sin, foolishness, fornication, acts of evil, unrighteousness, pride, self-will, bitterness, unbelief, sorrow.

How can sorrow impede repentance?

Sorrow hides the truth, the selfishness . Sorrow takes over. Turn your heart to Jesus. He will reveal the true nature of what resides in it. People don’t do this. They hide behind respectable masks afraid of looking inside. They fail on many accounts to be truthful with themselves. They pretend all is okay when it is not okay. It is hard work. Don’t pass judgment on others. Only look at yourself. That is where your attention should be.

That’s right. It is so easy to look at others, and so hard to look at our-self.

You are so beautiful Lord. I praise you. I adore you. I love you. Great and precious are your promises. Lovely is your name. Happy is your presence. Holy is your name. Amen

Sing for me.

What would I sing?

Sing praises, rich and deep with much feeling.

Tell me about faith.

Faith bends toward God. Faith believes all things possible. Faith looks beyond itself to the greater work of God. Faith chooses to live again. Faith chooses the harder thing—to God’s glory. Faith forgives an offense, it pardons. Faith in God changes the world.

Listen to me my child.

I’m listening, seeking you.

The Homeless Problem & a Right Attitude

THE HOMELESS ISSUE

...even to the least of these...

The homeless population in my town is getting a lot of press as of late. The debate is gathering momentum with various concerns being raised almost daily; drugs, drinking, mental illness, hardship stories, infringement on businesses, community reactions, City Council decisions, panhandling, sleeping in the town square, on the sidewalks, bathing in the fountain, urine in the store doorways. It is becoming a troubling issue for our community. But there is something greater at stake than just a problem that needs fixing. It’s the human side of things, the practical business of keeping citizens safe, the town welcoming, and helping those in need.

Have you ever been homeless? Let that sink in for a moment. How would you want to be treated if you were? Hmmm. Well? Ouch! With kindness? What would Jesus do? That’s an easy one. We know what he would do. He would care. Jesus cared for the hungry, poor, fishermen, lepers, unclean, cheats, adulterers, beggars, infirm, sinners. He seemed to choose some of the most unlovely people to care about—and he didn’t seem to like the religious all that much.

I decided to ask a pastor, a man in his mid-seventies, his opinion about the homeless problem and the press its receiving. He smiled, a sad sort of smile, his eyes reflecting a deeper emotion, his tone soft. “The people of Chico should not be so arrogant. If you’ve ever been homeless you wouldn’t be. I can’t speak to this without my bias showing.” It was then that I remembered his story; a sixteen year old runaway from Wisconsin thumbing his way to California's cattle country, working as a cow hand, picking up jobs where ever, asking to sleep in the jail so he could get warm on a cold night. One morning with only a few coins to buy a cup of joe, his insides screaming with hunger pangs, he stepped inside a restaurant. A kind waitress took pity on him, serving him a full breakfast paid on her tab, his eyes teared up when he had shared the story with the congregation. Later, God used a caring man, one who commanded his respect, to demonstrate a path to God’s love. Someone who saw his potential and was not afraid to “show up” and help a teenager who was a mess.

But it’s not that simple is it? A few months ago I was with a group of women on a business lunch at a local establishment when the conversation turned to the increasing numbers of homeless and displaced persons in Chico. The comments flew. Chico shouldn’t put up with it. Homeless people are coming to Chico in droves because they’ve heard Chico welcomes them. It’s turning off newcomers to the Chico area. It’s hard on businesses, ruining downtown. I found myself mentally evaluating their comments, checking off most of the concerns as ‘true’ and agreeing that the City should address this in a proactive, precise way. Yet. I was disappointed; the conversation was incomplete. Even though I could agree with what they were saying, my feelings did not match up with theirs. It seemed as if the homeless were being grouped as “less than,” dismissed with some sort of callousness of attitude with no human face on it. I didn’t feel as they did. No, not anymore. Something had revealed my superiority-complex a few years back. In the process, I had awakened. No longer could I  easily write off  the homeless “lifers” or  “down-on-their-luck” or substance “users.”

* * *

It had been a busy day that day when God woke me up. I was rushing to get home, my turn to host the Ladies Book Dinner. I pulled up to the gas station. A strange man was standing by the pumping island at the only open spot, he made me feel uneasy. Oh well, no choice. I removed the nozzle as I furtively glanced at him. He was wearing a black trench coat and a fedora, his longish hair resting on his coat collar. His dark beard was trimmed and neat. He was clean, the coat was clean. A black mutt sat by his side. He moved toward me, his head bent down. “Could you spare a couple of bucks?” he whispered. I shook my head, muttering, “No, sorry.” His eyes paused a second, looking at my eyes. Then he stepped back but didn’t leave. It was making me nervous. I got back in my car. My daughter asked me what he had said to me. She thought I should give him some money. I didn’t think so, and I wasn’t going to either. I wasn’t going to contribute to his addictions! The arguments were all there, the way I had always viewed those begging by the side of the road or in store parking lots. People need to be responsible for themselves. Then, another thought entered into my thinking. It began hammering away at me, causing disquiet. If you have done it for even one of the least of these, my brothers, you have done it unto me. I ignored the voice as it continued on in a repetitive cycle, If you have done it  for even one of the least of these. .... These were Christ’s words. I was determined to not listen to that little voice, you have done it unto me. The pump shut off. Time to go, finally! In my flustered state, I didn’t put the nozzle back. I started my car and began to pull forward. “Thunk!” What was that? I looked back. The nozzle had popped out of my car and lay on the cement. The man was coming over to pick it up, his glance met mine. How foolish I felt, my face flushed. I drove around to the backside of the station to get on the street toward my home. As I left, I saw the man and his dog in the crosswalk heading in the opposite direction. I felt sickened inside. My thoughts scrambling with embarrassment and guilt. Was that a test? Was he an angel? Was that the Holy Spirit’s whisper?  If so, I had failed the test miserably. I had ignored the inner prompting because it didn’t fit with my rigid notion that was dictating my behavior, the belief that if you help someone like that it means you are enabling them. It was then that I knew I was wrong in my thinking. If God is prompting you to do it, do it! The encounter cured me. I have changed my ways and am more sensitive to God’s leading. I often pray for the homeless or panhandlers that I meet after helping them out. I will ask their first name and tell them that I'm going to pray for them. And, I do. Sometimes I say "God bless you," hoping they will sense his care through my care.

I cannot fix the homeless problem but I can care. I can support the various organizations that offer a meal, shelter, treatment, counseling, spiritual guidance, or a fresh start. I can treat the homeless with compassion for when we treat the least of these with human dignity we have done it for Jesus. Jesus cared, shouldn't I?

A New Start, A New Book, A Monastic Interlude

Stone Chapel at Abbey of Newclairvaux

MOMENTS WITH GOD IN MONASTIC SOLITUDE

Today I started the first entry to a new book I will be writing throughout the year of 2014, Lord willing. For one year I have wished to start this book but life happened instead. Now it is time. The setting will be a place where monastics live in an abbey in northern California near the Vina Plains and in the small township of Vina. Twice or thrice weekly for twenty-two years I have driven north to Vina, some twenty miles, to attend another church--the one where I worship. For years I have wondered what lay down the drive to the monastery past its white cross at its entrance. Never, until this  day, have I ventured there.

Committing to this writing project is one that will come easily. I long for quiet times with God, to seek his still small voice in a setting away from the busyness that makes life frantic at times. After arriving, I walked around just a small area of the grounds. The Abbey of Newclairvaux is a working farm and winery. I know some about it for its activities are mentioned in the local newspaper and other publications. It is also the subject of a new book written by someone who is not of the faith. I have read and wondered. Today was a fulfillment of the thoughts. I found myself entering a strange excitement in the inner person the moment I turned into the winding driveway. The sense of peace was immediate.

I parked the car then walked to the Chapel Stones area. I sat and wrote. I walked to the Church area. I sat on wooden pews and wrote while contemplating in complete solitude, undisturbed, not even a visitor entered--and there were many visitors on the grounds. I retraced my steps to the white metal chair and began to write again. I took a few phone pics and then continued writing. I glanced up. A light beam shone through the chapel window toward me as if to touch me. A few minutes later it was at my feet. It almost seemed like a providential sign, I am with you in the writing of this book.

My notepad on my lap with the light shining at my feet.

An Excerpt

Entry One: January 3, 2014, 3:30 - 4:30 p.m.

The sun is stroking deep inside, warmth is penetrating. A day, like a spring sun-filled day, it is. My first visit here at the monastery. The chapel, with its ancient stones, gives me the shivers. Its unfinished state is the blend of the old with the new.

It is a new year and I have an awareness that this new year, 2014, will bring many gifts and many sorrows. They both make up our days, weeks, months, and years. I am in a peaceful state.

I hear many birds chirping, a tractor or fork-lift being driven. The sun is descending in the western sky. Its rays touch my face and warms my body. I hear visitors talking, their  sandles slap against the asphalt sidewalk. Voices carry through the air. It is a working farm yet peaceful. A group of students in a circle sit in the open entry of the west-side arches to the Chapel, their bodies facing the warmth of the sun. They talk quietly as I enter the room.

I find myself relaxing. The praying and praises to God were flowing from my mind the moment I stepped out of my car and still are flowing every second. So beautiful are you, Lord God. You speak in the quietness. I do love you, Lord.

Things Not Talked About: Abuse in the Religious Community & Church

This is a topic I never dreamed I would write about. Abuse. Sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, they’re all out there. Abuse is rampant in our society. For many years I was a public school teacher, and also a mandatory reporter of anything that looked suspicious. It comes with the job. Did I ever make a report? You bet. More than once. There are times when a mandatory reporter saves a life. In today’s world, there is a greater awareness of what abuse looks like than there used to be. It is an uncomfortable business. We also have children who know how to cry “wolf” if they think it will be to their advantage, especially in custody battles, claiming mistreatment of some kind. They understand how it works. A young lady may accuse someone of rape, when there was no rape. I assume that is more the exception than the rule. Children do show up at school with bruises, burns, and wounds. It is a terrible thing.

However, we haven’t grown used to talking about abuse in the church or in religious families. In recent years, we’ve heard about catholic priests preying on young children. They’ve received the most press. Sadly, that is only the beginning of what is starting to be reported.

This article will highlight some areas in religious circles in which abuse is now being reported. It has opened my eyes and made me weep for the many victims of another person’s rage, sexual assaults, emotional domination, or cruel control. The sufferers of abuse are many. They cannot put off the damage to their person-hood like you take off a coat. Rather, it takes years, often a life-time to put to rest the demons unleashed through abuse. And the lies believed.

I have decided to refrain from documenting the names of people and publications, or web addresses. However, everything I will share comes from a publication or first-hand account. These stories can be substantiated. I prefer to stay clear of this side of things. However, I am willing to dialogue in a private email at nlbrumbaugh@gmail.com.

STORY 1

I was browsing the web to find a Baptist mission’s address when I came upon an article about a man, a missionary doctor, who had sexually abused different missionaries’ children and summer interns. I recognized his name. Early in his missionary career, this doctor had been reprimanded for an adulterous affair with an intern, but received counsel and then continued on with serving on the field. The first young woman to formally accuse him of sexual molestation, a fourteen year old, was forced to recant by the mission board, to sign a confession that she had made it up. However, it was true. Years later, other women came forward reporting the same thing had happened to them. Several molestations were reported. By this time, this missionary doctor was in the United States practicing medicine and was a leader at one of the Baptist colleges. One of the articles was written by a man, this doctor had been his children's general practitioner. He was sickened when the allegations were made public. I remembered the doctor from when I went to college. His work on the mission field was highly respected. He and his work was often referred to as a fine example of a prime servant in the service of God. I remembered seeing a movie about his work on the mission field. Wow! This was shocking! The mission board had been slow to act after the victims came forward, preferring to stall and keep it in-house, rather than having an outside group do some fact-finding. It ended up costing the president of the mission organization his job.

STORY 2

A woman in a writing group I am a part of was describing her childhood, the abuse she suffered as a child cloistered away in a fundamentalist institution of higher learning. She (and one hundred victims over time) had lived on campus at this isolated college. The victims were the children of staff members, families who lived on the grounds. This strict college did not allow women and men to speak with each other in public. She could not talk with her brothers even when they passed each other. Her father was on staff. The family was not given freedom to go elsewhere. All meals and activities centered in this closed Christian community (that failed its children). No one was allowed to go other places. The Christian authority was strict and demanding. To deviate was to invite severe repercussions. This woman has a youtube video where she describes what it was like to live in such a situation where you have no alternative, and no outlet. The biblical teachings were severe, demanding. Yet, there was the sexual abuse. I believe she was quite young when this happened, yet I'm not positive. The sexual abuse was something that stole her virginity and made her feel like she had lost the very thing that a good Christian boy would desire in his future mate. Her story was quite sad, more than sad, tragic. I checked out her claims on the web, guessing at the college from the little information she had given in her disclosure. I found it. Some people I knew had attended that college in the 1970s, students who later attended the Christian college where I was a student. They would talk about the separation of the sexes and the strict environment. The allegations of abuse had plenty of documentation. That college has changed leadership in recent years. I listened to a video of the current president addressing the issue and its investigation. He does not deny that wrongdoing has happened, he acknowledges that something happened in the staff's families. He continued on to say that it is a past chapter, and that the college is handling the reports in-house. I have to feel that this must seem very unsatisfactory to the victims. They deserve more than a brush-off. But, that is only my opinion.

STORY 3

A woman I know was sexually abused by someone in her church when she was a teenager. It was on-going. That abuse was the start of a descent into promiscuity and a living hell before she came to the end of it. Today she is still trying to deal with the destructive memories that come unbidden as her mind replays the abuse. In the church? More than we realize. It has come close to home. Not in my own family but in other situations. I can think of two people I know who have preyed on others. Men of the church known for their upright views. Their wives, unsuspecting at the time. One of the men was convicted and went to prison. From what I've been told, his was the greater crime. His wife and family have suffered terribly because of this. My heart has hurt for them. My children used to ride to church with this couple for youth group on Sunday evenings. My first thought when it became public was, what about my children? In the other situation, a  woman, close to forty,  told me about her youth leader, a man who led in several capacities in the church, had made overtures toward her at various times, once trying to kiss her at a youth event when she was away from the group, often embracing her when she entered the church on Sunday mornings. Her parents were unsuspecting, encouraging her to be involved in the church’s youth group, thinking he was just being friendly. She never told. It was years later that she was telling me about it, yet she still shivered at the unpleasant memory. Some have suffered more than a kiss. I’ve read several personal stories of women who were sexually abused by someone in the church. They are women I have contact with, who are seeking inner healing through interventions and God's grace. They need to heal and restore, trying to reclaim the young girl they lost--who was them as an innocent. It appalls me that anyone would use their position in the church to take advantage of a child or youth. But, it happens. Probably more than we realize. I can imagine the scar, and the mixed feelings about church and religious people and God, that love-hate thing.

STORY 4

The local paper ran a story about a religious couple who had punished their adopted daughter with a rubber tube for mispronouncing a word during her home-school reading lesson. The punishment continued on for a long period causing internal damage. Eventually, the child went limp. The parents took her to the hospital but the child died. The parents are now in prison for the murder of this child. The paper said that they isolated their children from others, and they followed a book that many home-school families use, as their guide for discipline. It is written by a couple who believe in corporal punishment to the extreme, deprivation, and so forth. Two of the natural born children in this family, attended school with my daughter at a Christian school after their parents were arrested. It was horrible for these two teenagers during the trial of their parents. They feared that they would be asked to testify. Since then, I have read in the paper of two other children who have died from similar circumstances, both were punished by homeschooling parents who were following the advice in this book, one who died was a child adopted from out of the country. The similarities were striking. Alarming. On the flip side, I have read articles about the difficulties of adopting children with attachment disorders, who were deprived of affection to the extent that it has impacted their ability to adjust to the new home. Some are extremely violent and destructive.  Drugs in the womb can cause this as well. Special help is needed.  It is a difficult situation requiring knowledgeable human resources. 

Home-schoolers are uniting as well. Many feel they were treated severely and isolated from being given the opportunity to sustain healthy relationships or even to access general knowledge like how to order a cup of coffee at Starbucks. Escaping the parental dominion and control is almost impossible in some homeschool families. Don't misunderstand me, I’m not opposed to homeschooling. But, there is growing evidence that some children have been mistreated to an unknown extent.The homeschooled children are the ones speaking out. The public viewpoint is that on the average homeschooled homes are better than many regular-schooled homes, which is why they are not monitored, and, really, they should have their independence. The point is, if the home becomes violent. punitive, or over-bearing, it will harm the child emotionally and quite possibly, physically.

COMMENT

In closing, much is wrong with this picture. Some of this abuse may stem from ignorance or wrong beliefs, like in the homeschooling situation, which is overly severe or punitive, where children are guilted for having a differing view.  Others are injurious to emotional, physical, and mental health for victims suffering from all kinds of abuse. Most have been threatened with death or death to their families if they dare(d) to talk. So, they suffer(ed) in silence, unable to get free of the violator. Last night I read two long articles. One was a list of homeschoolers who were blogging about the difficulties in their experiences. A young man, a former homeschooled child (from a good home-school situation) had compiled their stories. He was still reeling from the experience, bothered by what he had observed and recorded. I could tell this by how he was writing it. The other story was written by a man who has recently written a book chronicling the abuses by priests in the catholic church. He has written a blog where he quotes a man who still has faith but not belief, that is, belief in the one apostolic church. The church has robbed him of his beliefs, but not of his faith. His abuser was never brought to trial for his crimes and is dead now. The church covered up the priest's tracks and moved him when the seat got hot.The man said that there would never be justice because the church doesn't care about the victims. That's scary stuff.

Part of me has grown up in a state of denial. I would read an article like this and think people were fabricating the information. I didn’t want to believe it could be true. Maybe some of the accusations aren’t/weren’t true. But, I doubt very many of them are/were that way. The exception? Unless the person is a liar who has a history of making allegations (which is true at times, causing good people to be maligned--which is why there are investigations). I am aware why a church might cover-up a situation. It doesn’t bode well for the church. But, when the allegations are not believed or are ignored, the victim then realizes that the church doesn’t really care about them. When this is the case, the church or institution cares more about its programs and its reputation than its people. In the past, some church leaders were allowed to continue serving despite the knowledge of their past sexual abuse, some continued living a life of harming others. How could a church be so callous, so uncaring? Pretty easy, it seems. They know the perpetrator and like him or her. They also may have a measure of doubt. And, quite possibly, they just don't care about the right things. I'm guessing. I really can't speak for others.

As a strong believer in the church’s roles and responsibilities, I think we MUST be aware and proactive in protecting our children and young people. I believe we MUST be vigilant in making sure that everyone is safe in our programs. We must be bold where it is needed. We must create plans and structures to PREVENT opportunities for abuse to happen behind closed doors. We must not leave children alone with one adult. Lastly, we MUST be kind with those whom have known abuse, helping them with their recovery.

Honesty is the best policy. It's true. The church needs to address the issue when there has been abuse. The church needs to offer help for those who need to go through a healing process. We must become aware and active.  True religious belief MUST be bound to Christ, not to a man. 

A statement about those who abuse or have abused: I believe God can and will forgive and set free. I believe in forgiveness and the power of love. I also believe one should make right, restitution, when one has caused pain to another, whether emotional, physical, or sexual. What hurts the most is when no-one says it was wrong, or acknowledges that there was wrong-doing. A girl, who was hurt despicably in her home, once said, "The hardest part was that no-one said to me that what was happening to me was wrong." Teachers and adults ignored the evidence. She now goes around the country speaking about what sexual abuse looks like, informing educators so they can become aware of the signs that point to children who are being assaulted or exploited. 

Even at the end of a tumultuous journey, an abuser can still say the words, "I'm sorry." There is healing in those words. 

For the ones of you who are reading this blog who were abused. I am sorry that the abuse happened to you. It wasn't right. I know it hurt you. You lost something dear to you during the abuse, your sense of self-worth, your identity, your right to be loved and honored, and your personal dignity. Although I can do nothing to change what has happened, I do know that God can and will extend His love to you. Seek Him until you find Him. Find a place where you can heal and be set free. It is a process that will take time and effort. There are people who can help you. A starting place might be, www.joannfore.com, a good site for women, especially if you would like anonymity. JoAnn Fore was abused and found healing. Many women share on her website. Catherine Darnell is another woman who has overcome (Hope's Tapestry). Mary DeMuth, as well. All three write on this topic and can be found on the web. God bless you. Norma

* * * * *
Written in connection with, "When a Woman Finds Her Voice," by JoAnn Fore.

 

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