FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE

My son surprised me with this cell phone photo in a text message. He told me he was going to visit my sister. I wasn't expecting the photo. It made me emotional, of course, and it took me down memory lane. The day we buried her was a complex mix of unbelief, sorrow, and grief.

My son was eleven when his aunt, my sister Lois, passed away. Now, a quarter century later, he is back at the hillside cemetery in Stayton, Oregon. His first time revisiting the very spot where she is at rest. It took him about an hour to locate her marker. Then he sent me this photo and told me he said "hi" to her for me.

I wonder what emotion he feels, and his thoughts. The two--his wanting to pay his respects and the memory of her--warm my heart.

We never stop loving. Those we have lost continue to be a part of us.

In life, our lives intersect, and we may experience an everlasting bond. Our connections with family, siblings, parents, mates, and children and even those who are like family to us, have many differing threads. These may be sweet or not so much. Our lives are influenced by the intricate web these threads weave that make up the tapestry of our lives.

Sometimes these change the trajectory of our lives. I spend a few to many hours a week fulfilling a promise I made after losing my sister. She had been troubled, depressed, and had lost her way. When our family got the call, it was already to late.

We all grieve differently. I promised myself and God that I would learn more and be more available to those who struggle with life. I also have become more sensitive to the actual struggle. Life IS hard. There's no denying it. Words are not enough. I believe caring with feet on it is part of the answer.

I see life and my part in it differently than I used to. I want to love people without bias, judgment, or categorizing; that's the desire. Is it easy? No. I've had to change my way of thinking and become more flexible.

I think Lois was part of that. Her loss was part of an awakening in me, to do more, to be kind, to validate what I can validate, to speak truth in love, to abandon what gets in the way of these.

I miss my sister and always will. She was a beautiful person. I'm glad my son wanted to validate her memory. That means something to me. She would have been pleased with the man he has become. I know it in my heart.

Life is too short. Love well. Be good.

Thank you, my son.

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