HEALING OF PAINS FROM THE PAST

No matter how long ago it happened, you have to yield yourself to God's way in order to heal a trauma. A year after my husband left me and the family, I decided to ask God for healing. This was my own idea. No one encouraged me to go there. I was broken inside but alive in God. I was open to healing if that was something I needed. I didn't know what to expect but I trusted God to do what only he could do.

Teacher picture in those days.

God took me at my word. A few days later memories began to surface, usually after an intense time in the word and in prayer. I only prayed the prayer once, but I guess that's all God was waiting for me to do. I was seeking intimacy in my relationship with God. I had been pursuing God with no holds barred. My life was changing as a result of my new found openness with God. God helped me heal and returned peace to my soul.

Here is a segment written in my first journal from during that time of upheaval and renewal.

JOURNAL 1 -- 2003 

Most days I walk in the orchard for exercise and as a time of renewal. This morning, while in the orchard I talked with God about the spiritual desire I have to walk through the pains of the past, to give them to Him, to let go of them, to have them change from a wound to a scar. 

I cannot do this on my own. I don’t even know how to allow Him to lift and free me from their power, to release them.  I asked for His help in doing this. 

To begin this process of walking through the pains of the past and remembering their hurt and then offering them to God; I went back to the beginning. I began to remember those first few weeks of marriage when I realized that my husband and I were not going to have the close marriage fellowship I had envisioned, how I had felt the lack of bonding together--and the aloneness I felt.  

I remembered how at the time I realized that my marriage was probably a big mistake, and how I regretted my choice.  I also remembered my determination to put my marriage in God’s hands.  For 21 years that was the way it had been.

I allowed myself to feel, to remember that terrible day, when my first born was a baby, when my husband told me he was leaving because it just wasn’t working out, how he didn’t love me or have feelings for me, how he had not really wanted to marry me, the doubts he had before we wed.   

The pain of these memories was so intense that I wept so hard my heart just hurt.  I asked God to release me from their pain.  I felt exhausted, depleted of all energy.  After the tears subsided the beauty of the trees and creation spoke to me.  As I stood there the memory of the biblical character Job--and his intense suffering and faithfulness--touched me.   

I want to listen for His communion when I finish this."

By giving my hurts to God, I was able to access his healing grace. The sorrow and suffering left my inner being and never returned. A redemptive touch of God met my need and healed me. My wounds became a trophy of God's tender touch making me anew.

Life is tremendously different ever since that day. God set me free and began to shape me. I am grateful. 

My full story can be found here in two audio segments of pain and healing. May God minister to your heart through them. 

Please share my testimony with someone God puts on your heart.

Blessings, my friend. 

I welcome any comments.