THE LADY IN RED

I called her, 'the lady in red'. I'd see her almost every day on the same street. Walking. Walking fast. Wearing a dress, not pants. Not just any dress, though, but one that was flouncy, bright and noticeable from the distance. You'd see the red, the hat, and her quick gait. Her dresses were tight to the waist and then with a full skirt, like 50s style. Red belt, red hat, and red heels, not sexy or tawdry but happy and cheerful, and old-fashioned-like.

Other times she wore a red dress with flamboyant accessories, or a black dress with scarlet accessories, or wearing a bright blue print with red accents. And the handbag, always a large handbag. The big brimmed hat, too. The hat, the bag, and the dressy-dress made her stand out. And her stride. She was in a hurry, places to go, people to see, shopping to do. I looked for her whenever I was driving in that section of town. It was common to see her in the late afternoon. Usually she was on the same side of the street as me, walking on a sidewalk, her back to me as I drove on by.

Her hair was curly, shoulder-length, bouncy, like the determined, bouncy way she walked. I wondered her story. Hers was not the normal stride but that of the person marching to her own tune. I never knew, of course, and I never talked to her. She was walking, and I was hauling a car full of kids.

We moved out of the area. Five years later we were back. A few weeks into our return, I spotted her. She had aged. Her hair was now pepper and salt in color. Her dresses, not quite so outlandish. But she was going shopping, walking fast, carrying a colorful tote bag in hand. It felt good to see her again, to know she was still around. Every time I saw her I would smile. She had a cheerful aura about her, and I knew she had to be a good person by the way she dressed, the kind of person that celebrates life and says nice things to make others feel good. She had character, more than most.

Then one day, years later, the front page of the local paper boasted a picture of her. She'd passed on, and they'd written an article about her. Now I knew her name. Now I learned she'd been homeless off and on but a favorite in town. Now I knew she made a lot of people smile and was loved by merchants and homeless alike. She'd been an encourager to many. In fact, the locals were covering her funeral expenses. The lady in red was going out in style, beloved by many in the community.

I've always wanted to write about her because she impressed me and touched something in me that others have not. Her inner beauty was magical even though she was doing what she did without a concern for what we thought about it. She liked being beautiful. She liked color. She loved red. She liked purpose and was about her business. Though different than mine or others, there was something special about it, and about her.

Look for the beauty and you will find it.

THE SECRET? It Really Is About Love

 I SPEAK because of LOVE

 A CONVERSATION SWEET~

 A new friend and I were sitting at the table talking about our lives. Our daughters are friends which brought us together to visit while the girls watched the Super Bowl. We are the same age and God is important to both of us. Then the conversation got real. She told me her story and I shared mine. She is an accomplished woman, a former corporate climber of the ladder of success who became a Christian in her early thirties. She married a Christian man and became a homemaker mom who also home-schooled her daughters. Then life took a turn for the worse. The bubble popped. They divorced, she returned to work, custody battles and so forth and so on. She asked about my children, my life, how God worked in my life.   Tears welled as emotions surfaced while I related some of my story. "Three hours seem like fifteen minutes," she was saying to me. "You understand how hard it is. You're so easy to talk to." 

Yes, I do understand. Pain did that to me. Yet, it no longer owns me. I am free of its curse.

* * *

THE SECRET: WHY WE USE OUR VOICES
In our sharing, we both gave an explanation for why we help others. She uses her voice as a compliment to service. She helps others. While helping she often shares the grace of God. Right now she is helping a couple in their eighties with some pretty challenging issues. Her explanation was so beautiful that I want to remember it forever. ... She sees herself as a teapot. 

Her analogy is a perfect picture of how it works in being real!

Her words: "I am like a little teapot.

Christ pours his spirit into me and then I pour out to others what he has given me. It comes in the top--from God to me, and then it goes out the spout--from me to someone else. I do things for others things I would never have done before he came into my life. And, I am happy to do them. The important part is to keep myself open to God, to let him continually fill me so I have something to give to people he puts in my path."

 * * *

My story is a little different. The changes in me came as a result of a vow and a list. Both were promises I made to God from out of a wounded heart and after years of struggle. I decided that I would use anything he wanted to do in me or reveal to me for his glory, to help others who suffer in silence. I made the vow in February the week after my mate chose to leave our marriage of twenty-one years. The list was written on the day I was served divorce papers on my forty-sixth birthday.  I submitted the list to God in a prayer, asking him to do something I could not do on my own. I was on empty. I had done everything the best way I knew how--and it had never been enough. The list was my declaration of what I wanted God to do in my life with a plea to change me.  For all my trying, I hadn't been able to save my marriage, now I wanted God to save me from defeat and despair and from becoming a bitter old woman. As I sought God for all I was worth and he initiated change in me, surprisingly (or not surprisingly, actually), every one of the items on the list became true in my life. I received a beauty make-over!                     (The list is abbreviated)

My Vow: 2002 - My first journal entry.

"Gracious Father, Work on my heart and mind. Help me to learn to listen. Help me to push past my fear and to have eyes to see. I want to see Jesus. May my reality adjust and readjust as my vision for you changes. May I see you alone. May the work you are doing in me be used outwardly to minister to others. I seek you and you alone." 

         2002 - My List which changed my life. The Key - intentionality and surrender.

1. God first in everything. I want his power and strength in all I do. I want to change.
2. Healing in my emotions and deep inner spirit. I want to be free. I want joy.
3. Be myself. Let go of the chains and conflicts that bind me.
4. Become more self-decisive, less worried about what others think.
5. Develop more honest "transparent-real" friendships with godly people.
6. Seek deliverance from the bondage I've been under in this marriage relationship.
7. Pray for repentance which brings godliness, for wellness in all areas of my being.
8. Pray for God to change me. I will pray for awareness and humbling. 

It truly is amazing how God can take a broken person and breathe life into them. His life becomes their life. His Spirit renews and heals their spirit. These days I can not imagine living without God. He has become my breath and being, my sustenance. It is hard to explain how even the simplest of common things, like a dainty wildflower, can reduce me to tears of wonderment and joy. 

When we give God access to our lives, what God gives to us, in return, is his love. We, in return, receive a beautiful heart. After the healing transformation has begun, our hearts becomes free to love in a new way. Because of its swelling abundance it must share its love. It becomes an outworking of the love God has given us which replicates through us in an a sundry of ways. God makes something beautiful out of something ordinary. He is that way. We must trust him for the journey. I must say, though, it rarely is easy, and we are desperate at times. Yet, he walks with us right in step ... even when we can't see him through the fog of circumstances. It is such a privilege to help a sister who is going through the fire, to encourage her, to tell her that she will make it and life will get better because you know it is true, you've lived it. The more real God becomes the better it gets, even through the difficulties and heartaches. He touches us where we need touching, in our deep inner places. He frees us through his love, forgiveness, and life.

Because of love, true love, God gives us the most gorgeous Valentine of them all. 

Its words say, "I LOVE YOU!" 

Blessings ... Your friend, Norma

The Lord bless you and keep you. May his face shine upon you. Never forget, you are loved. Norma

-----
#When A Woman Finds Her Voice

SET FREE TO LIVE AGAIN, A Spiritual Reflection

  HEALING STREAMS, A New Day is Here  
I was thinking about the joys of the present. I delight in life. The days bring me much happiness and inner contentment. Many of my blog writings have mentioned the pains of the past that marred my inner self, unpleasant times in the desert place. This time I will share the joys of the present by way of the healing streams that refreshed during my journey in the desert dry! It was a process rich, full of grace and goodness, healing and hope. I am eager to share these with you. God doesn't waste anything. He doesn't.

"See, I am doing a new thing!

It springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness 

and streams in the wasteland."  

                                                                             Isaiah 43:19

There were many roads that led me out of my desert dry. They came in increments of help and belief. I was never alone even though I felt alone. There were people who joined me in my fight for survival, and there was God. Without God, I would still be a wounded woman on the inside pretending through a spiritual facade (and not realizing it!), wearing the mantle that says  I am Okay...(but not really). It had nothing to do with a lack of faith, I was a strong woman of faith, no, that wasn't it. It had everything to do with being wounded, those areas deep within me that I couldn't see or understand, and God. Then, it became an active desire on my part, to let God reveal the internalized messages so He could change me in those hidden places. It took time and willingness, both were required. It is so absolutely wonderful to be free. Amen.

~I wrote out a short-list to show what was used to heal my soul with its hurting, wounded places.~

BEING LOVED

A bouquet. Being loved can be a balm for the wound during times of heartache and stress. My family has walked with me through some hard moments in my life. One in particular stands out, and there are many that could be shared. On the day my divorce was finalized my siblings sent me a bouquet to comfort me during my sadness. They knew how hard the day was for me and how much I didn’t want the divorce. The bouquet made me cry, it was a comfort to me, a small healing stream in the torrid water of life. That night, I lit some candles and watched a movie with my children and spent some time writing. My identity had changed from married to divorced and I didn't even believe in divorce. It hurt. Every time I looked at the flowers in the bouquet, I found myself surrounded by the care that whispered, we can't be with you in person but we are with you in spirit. It is so wonderful to be loved. It means all the more when your world is upset.  

Thank you, Mom & Dad, Juanita, Marilyn, and Paul

BEING ENCOURAGED

A phone call. Though-out the years there has been one person who has kept me in balance spiritually. He seems to call me just when I need it. His advice always ministers to me. He always has something to give. It starts like this. “Hello, Norma, How are you doing?” We talk awhile and then he asks about each one of my children. He is my pastor. I’ve been under his teaching for twenty-one years. His advice is sound, practical, something I can use. Every conversation has given me something to chew on, to think about that I can apply to my circumstances. Most of these phone conversations last thirty minutes or so. Then he will pray for me and also my children. I have learned, been validated, and encouraged in my spiritual walk by his ministering grace to me.

Thank you, Pastor Peterson.

BEING CONSOLED

A time of silence. Reading my Bible has been a practice of mine over the years. Praying is a main-stay. However, meditating on scripture has been a deepening discipline for the last decade in my life. Times of silence and listening with a journal and pen in hand, the Word open to a passage that talks to me, tools to record the fleeting thought, are a pool of streams in the desert. This has become my practice, the most meaningful of all. There are many days when a large chunk of time is devoted to this practice. I almost always light a candle and keep the room silent as I seek God with my heart, mind, and soul. Much goes into this time of meditation. Confession, repentance, surrender, openness, singing, deep concentration, dissecting chapter and verse, meditative focus, blend together with an active asking and seeking--listening.  Thoughts of consolation enter. I write them down. They are warm in tone, rich in expression. Being quiet before God and listening for His still small voice is what makes me feel close with my Beloved, in a friendship relationship which speaks to my inner self.

Thank you, Father God.

BEING HEALED

Forgiveness and healing. Seeking God for my healing came when I was ready to take the next step forward. I asked God to heal me of the wounds in my heart, if that was possible. I didn't know if it could be done and I didn't really know what they were. I wasn't harboring bitterness, resentment or unforgiveness. I didn't know what it was and just asked him to show me. That simple. Scary. I wasn't sure what would happen, if anything. I asked God to show me the lies I had believed and internalized. I asked God to remove the pain that had seemed to wrap around my heart and stifled my ability to experience life. I asked for joy and truth, over and over. 

First, it was the forgiveness that came, in a deeper way than ever before. 
Next, it was the sorrow for my part in causing pain to others, in a deep cleansing tide.
Last, it was a process of my emotions being healed through spiritual interventions. 

An intense few sessions it took, revisiting the old wounds so God through Christ could set me free. By His stripes and by His wounds I was healed.  I was set free. I am whole.

Thank you, Christ of the cross, God the Father, and Holy Spirit, my helper.

 

Easter Sunday: I'm sharing about the cross using a folded palm frond.

BEING COMFORTED

A family place. You loved on me. You carried me in your hearts. You lifted me up when the burden grew greater. You prayed for me, over and over, day after day, year after year. You accepted me when I was feeling lower than a snake’s belly. The day you all gathered around me and prayed for every member of my family, that God would work a miracle and keep the enemy at bay and from destroying what God had blessed, was a day I will remember forever. The healing streams you sent my way were a warmth of love that cascaded down my shoulders and into my heart. It meant so much to be prayed for by my sisters and brother in Christ, my loving church family. We've been through a lot together, your stuff and mine, and you've always held me up and prayed as faithful friends. You are one big heart of love.   

Thank you, Vina Community Church.

BEING TAUGHT

At the table.  What would I do without the ability to learn? I’d die. I’ve learned and learned and learned some more. How precious is the ability to learn. The things I have learned are the things of life. From my pastor I’ve learned what it is to live out the Keys of the Kingdom found in Matthew 18. 

Bind my thoughts to the mind of Christ.  
     Bind my emotions to the Holy Spirit.
            Bind my will to the will of the Father. 
                Loose that which is not of God, my wrong thinking. 
                          the lies I’ve believed, the Enemy’s strongholds in my life.  
                     Bind me to You, dear God, loose what is not of you.

Learning to differentiate between a thought and a feeling. To know what is a thought and what is a feeling. To discern what is true and what is not true about me, circumstances, and the past. To be able to discern what is best, not just better. To determine what is “best interest” and what is self-serving. Learning the parts of my soul that need remedial interventions that I might become healthy and whole in my personhood and as a spiritual child of God. There is so much more, this is a drop in the bucket of truths learned. Surrender to God must be all encompassing.

 Reading and reading, thinking and applying. I've learned so much, been exposed to variant writings of Christian thought, absorbed truth with an eager longing for more. I read people who are inflamed with a desire for God that shouts to the glory of God, writings so rich that they make me weep, so deep that I have to wade into their depths. How blessed I have been by people, both past and present, who dared to live authentic lives of faith.

Thank you, Christian-thought writers and teachers

Yes, I am blessed. Praises to God for His abundant mercies and healing grace.  I don’t know if I would have made it on my own without these many helps. I
am blessed and fortunate.

It is wonderful to be free. It is a joy to be full. It is humbling to be loved so much. Praises to God. Healing Streams in the desert wasteland. But! God doesn't waste anything. He needs us to trust Him and then surrender ... everything. Joy comes in. It replaces the sadness and sorrow. New life in the inner places can be had. Don't give up too soon. Seek and seek, then seek some more. Open up to God and He will open up to you. I believe this with my whole heart, and it is why I write my streams in the desert.

COURAGE NEEDED: Going to Court and a Custody Battle

He and I sat on opposite sides in the courtroom.

A day spent together hiking in the outdoors that eventful summer.

Here again. Different venue, but our tangle of emotions alive, sizzling, tense. The memories re-surfaced. We had been at a similar place eight years before, across from each other, lawyers by our sides; the dismantling of our twenty-one years of marital togetherness in the final stages of legal due process. Its finality undeniable. Unwelcome. His lawyer, my lawyer, and documents and legal agreements. He and I were polite, courteous, civil. My attorney had voiced surprise at our calm agreeable treatment of each other. We weren't the arguing type. Never had been. It had seemed strange that day, my mate across from me, not sitting by my side ... when in my mind were still joined as "one." My heart was cleaved in two during the proceedings and the events preceding his choice to exit our marriage and family unit. That had been hard, terribly hard for me. I had believed our marriage could be saved up until the moment of its death. An army of Christian family and friends had prayed for me that day. I had needed their prayers most desperately. 

Here we were again. Yes. Time and circumstances had changed me in the years between. He really had no clue as to how much I had grown in all areas of my life. Difficult growth but positive in every way. My emotional support group, prayer warriors, were at it again. How much I needed their prayers. I felt weak. The darkness was waging war with my family. The pain was back. The process of healing had taken years of repair, not yet complete. Why did we need to come back to this hurting place? It was hard to revisit its turmoil. The wicked darts of emotional warfare were touching all of us: my grown children, young daughter, my ex and me. 

The spiritual battle had descended. We were conflicted over the custodial arrangements for his and my youngest daughter who was twelve at the time. She was wanting to live with him in a neighboring town, no longer with me. When I resisted this plan, words were said. He felt I had turned our children against him. That stung. It was not true. I had  encouraged them to keep the door open. But this scenario was unexpected. I couldn't imagine it as being a good thing for her. After much prayer and advice, I knew that I must get in the fray. I hate conflict. It goes against my nature and beliefs. But, there are times you have no choice, not one you can live with anyways, you know you must take action.

 Quotes are from my book, The Meeting Place.

QUOTE: "My youngest child doesn't want to live with me any longer. The father of my children and my child announced this to me after sixth-grade graduation. It was stated as a fact, as if it had already been decided as a done deal. I was calm but inwardly felt devastated. I spent the week talking with people who have been through things like this, and I talked with others, like the school psychologist and my minister, getting their input and perspective before making my decision whether to agree or not agree to a change of primary custody. I never thought this would happen.

The court battle was upon me. I would be brave, courageous, meeting the challenges. But how to? I didn't wish to hurt him or to set off a negative chain reaction. I had never learned to stand up for myself. He wouldn't expect it of me. It would anger and hurt him. I knew his vulnerabilities. I would speak up for my daughter's sake. Fear. I was afraid. I knew what I was facing. And I knew it would not be well-received. I had become the enemy in this drama. The conflict was causing tension in my daughter. She and I were now at odds, unable to function as should a mother and daughter. Her opinion of me had altered. I was on the "outs." No longer was I able to speak freely, my authority compromised. Things I would say to her were no longer kept between the two of us. I became "suspect" in my own home. Scary and uncertain was this path. It was tense for me. My closest friends were like medicine, listening to me as I tried to figure it out.

My Pastor kept tabs. He heard my hurting heart after I told him about some negative communications that my ex husband had been saying about me to my older children. My four oldest were in varying stages of reacting, taking it in different ways, some in silence, others in words of pain. None of it good. This was upsetting to me. They were being put on a side. It was from the Enemy. His presence was all over it. I knew this. I could see it and feel it. My wish had been to begin a ministry to help hurting people. I had prayed the "Prayer of Jabez" about this desire of my heart. I was beginning to formulate a plan of action. Now I was side-lined into a place where I did not know the right way to proceed. I did know that most of all I wanted to do it God's way. How to do it His way, and also stand up for my daughter's future, was a mystery to me. I am a peace-maker, less a warrior.             

QUOTE: "My pastor gathered people to pray for me after the morning service yesterday.  Before the service started he asked me if this would be okay.  He was aware of the turmoil and comments directed at my adult children and me. Then, at the conclusion of the service, he mentioned the situation and that my family was in need of prayer. He invited those who knew our family and would like to pray to come to the front. I sat on a chair, and they gathered in a circle around me. He briefly explained my situation and cautioned them—that in joining in the spiritual battle by praying for me and my family, they could also expect spiritual warfare in their own lives.

Many prayed, some with tears in their voices. Two who prayed, a young man who is a father of two and a young woman who is a mother of one, both were peers with my oldest two children and knew them growing up in the church; prayed specifically for my four grown children. The young man stayed after to hug me; he said my sons are like brothers to him. I could tell he felt emotion. As people prayed a warmth cascaded around and through me; I could feel the light touch of someone’s hands resting on my shoulders. I felt that many were remembering back to years before, when our family unit of good standing came apart in their midst, and my children and I suffered such deep hurt.

After they were done praying, I told everyone, “I feel loved.” I've never been prayed for in that way before. They love my child, my older children, and me. Two sweet friends gave me hugs, and they spoke with sad voices. I told one friend I had been hoping for healing in my kids lives this summer, but instead it’s been more pain. She said, “God can use this.” How wonderful to be prayed over. What a blessing; the prayers spoke to every area that need speaking to—and with charity toward my ex-husband. Amazing. Before the circle prayer, some who couldn’t stay told me they are praying, and I know they will."

Oh, beautiful, loving friends of God. You came in when I needed the extra measure of courage and stout-heartedness. You loved me when I needed so much to be loved. Standing with me. Holding my hands. Trusting Jesus for the outcome. You went with me as I entered the fiery furnace. You cared about all of us and were kind and nonjudgmental. Thank you. You were real love to me.

QUOTE: "Two days ago I faced a giant. The giant came in the form of facing my ex in court and facing the fear and intimidation it represented for me. I had to present things that would not set well, and I knew it. Courage. I had to pull up the courage to say what needed to be said without losing my dignity and soft-spoken way. I had to confront my own timidity and fears before I could speak the words I knew I needed to say. The prayers of God’s people supported me as I walked into that room. My twelve-year-old daughter’s destiny held in the balance. The verse God gave me this time was, “The battle belongs to the Lord”; such true words. Emotional, critical-to-life thoughts drain me.

Terms of the agreement documented a change in primary custody. My daughter moved to her father's home. My "win" was the agreement for her to attend a private Christian school in my town. It was something I pushed for as a safe-guard for her. I felt grief the days and weeks following her exodus. I worried about her. I continued to walk on egg-shells when she was with me on my weekends. A darkness seemed to hover. She reacted to almost anything I would say. Over time the scene began to change. She started spending more time at my home after school, a mid-week overnight, playing the piano, scarfing down my home-made meals, less defensive, more talkative. I did some changing. Lots of soul-searching and a reassessment of my parenting. God took me to a new level of trust.
 

Piano recital that spring.

And, I realized a true fact, she really just wanted to have a dad. She had no memory of him living with us and I had never remarried. She needed a dad, and more attention to her needs. I had been so busy with teaching school, farming, and church, that her needs were not being met. Especially, her need to be heard. I was forced to reevaluate my busyness.

Going to court is hard. We both want to raise our children. I learned something amazing from the experience. God helped me see His faithfulness as he protected my child and cared for her when I could not be with her. The tide changed again eighteen months later. We faced it with a peaceful resolution.

Amazon Book Link is HERE

QUOTE: The Meeting Place: "The sun is setting after a week of dampness. My heart is full of happiness. God has answered my prayer. My baby, my little girl, my sweet daughter has chosen to return to my care. It has been a sorrowful road, but today she decided for sure. Soon she will live with me again. I had to come up here to mark the joy in my heart and thankfulness now that is mine. Her father called yesterday. He was so pleasant, kind, courteous, different. He seems more aware, even wished me luck on the house I made an offer on yesterday. He said I deserved it, and he hoped I would get it. Wow. I still feel stunned.

QUOTE: 'Thank you, Jesus. Thank you with my whole heart. Thank you for my daughter, for my ex, and his willingness. I praise you, I adore you, magnify you, glory in you. Praise be to God for his amazing grace and ever-faithful ways. During joyless weeks, I found my true joy in you, dear Father God. So blessed by your presence I have been. You moved so quickly after an eighteen-month wait—a long time in which I learned to find my rest in you. You alone give rest in the midst of emotional and physical crises in my life. How good you are to me. Your comfort fills me. ... I wish more people had eyes to see your beauty."

We learn through all of life's experiences. How glad I am that God gives me what I need when the battle is upon me. I am also grateful for the times when the battle is over, when I can look back and see the goodness of God that kept and helped and interceded during the trial and times of woe. Praise Him! ....                                      

---