UNWANTED~BEING ABANDONED

 UNWANTED~BEING ABANDONED

Being abandoned hurts our inner person. Abandonment harms and destroys our trust in people. Abandonment alters the view of self and changes the outlook. The self view that is interpreted says that we are unwanted as a person, not worth wanting. The emotional damage has fall-out that impacts the person and the person's relationships. There are many ways humans are abandoned by other people. None of them are without repercussions.  Knowing someone didn't want us or wasn't willing to fight for us is a devastating thought. We compensate, or get angry, or act out our feelings.  Some choose to over-perform, to show their worth and value to others, trying to dispel the inner belief that they weren't wanted by someone who should have wanted them. This pain is often unacknowledged or unrecognized.  A person goes on with their life, doing the best they can.  Until the pain surfaces and cannot be ignored any longer.

Interventions come in many forms. Psychologists and counselors do their best to help the suffering understand the out-working of abandonment.  Psychological therapy is useful and helps with understanding the processes and inner workings of feelings of being unwanted, the natural result of being abandoned. However, understanding is not healing. Counseling helps...a lot. Behaviors can modify, can overcome, and can compensate. Yet, they do not remove the pain nor cure the hurt, they are unable to heal the emotional wound.

I experienced abandonment three times in my marriage.  The pain was beyond belief. I had not been raised with these sorts of things. The innocent became less innocent. She became a person in control on the outside but deeply wounded and devastated on the inside. The pain felt like an assault on my inner person.  Although I came to understand many things about my mate (his stuff) and myself (my stuff), for many years, in my ignorance, I did not know why I could not seem to experience joy or happiness.  I had forgiven and I had followed God, but the hurt remained.

There came a day when I gave it all to God. I chose to remember the times of abandonment and hurtful words that had been spoken to me years before. I asked God to come in and heal my hurts, heal my memories, and to release me from their pain. I cried in deep anguish of heart, the sorrow so real that my heart physically hurt and I gasped. It was then that God gave me a picture of His love. I saw the painful sword that was imbedded in my heart, deeply piercing my heart, bleeding drops of blood year after year. He slowly removed it from my heart. God lifted the sword and formed it into Christ's cross, where my suffering was borne by the One who accepted my pain in His sinless flesh, bearing my shame and my hurt in order to set me free. God assured me that He had healed me, that the pain had been removed, even though the scars would remain forever.

The release was complete.  A few weeks later I began to notice a change in me. A whisper of joy entered into my being.  It had been years since joy had been part of me. The delight grew in tandem with my belief in a good God. A God who not only loves and forgives but also heals and restores.

That happened ten years ago. At times the pain will resurface at odd and unexpected moments, but it no longer has power over me nor do I feel dead inside. I have been fully released from its devastating effect on my emotions. Praise Him!

~ To Be The Glory~

Blessings

BLESSINGS

Life has many blessings. The more we look for the blessings in our moments, the more we will find them.  This week I have experienced more than my average quota of blessings.  You see, my out-of-town family has come around for a time of good conversation, dining on summer food fare, lively discussion, and even some working together toward a common goal.  We've come from Colorado, Washington, Oregon, Idaho, and California, to spend this precious time as a family.  This past week I have enjoyed times with four of my five children, all of my siblings, a cousin and her family, my aunt, a niece and her two toddlers, my son-in-law, and my two grandchildren plus my parents and others as well.  I counted twenty-five at a BBQ dinner I hosted this week.  It is such a blessing to be together.  My brother recently said to me that we have a heritage, a shared meaning as a family---something we are fortunate to have and will always cherish. He was commenting that our children are fortunate as well, to have this rich heritage.  He is right.  Not everyone is so lucky, or blessed.  I thank God for this.

In three more days the last of the out-of-towners will be gone.  The house will seem silent, empty, and sad.  I'm already missing them---and only the first set has left.  It is called "love."  Love brings us close and holds us tight.  Love binds us together.  Love keeps us from fighting and from holding grudges.  Love makes us generous and forgiving.  The way of love keeps my siblings and me from suffering from the "me" complex, always being careful to not offend or hurt each other.  We defer to each other.  It is a tremendous gift of beauty we are willing to extend to our family members.  My own children, as well, have this same courtesy and love for each other.  Although their love is quiet, less expressed, it is unselfish, kind, active, and alive.  Four of them are young adults, but they understand that family matters, and that love is an action verb.  I experience delight in watching them connect and respond to each other.  Our times together are rare, making this a significant part of being in proximity.

We have our problems, too, but the problems pale in comparison to the blessings.  

Thank you, dear God, for this week of blessings, for my family, for their love and encouragement, and for the graciousness of their love and affection.  Thank you, for Your part in making us strong, and helping us when we are weak, for protecting us during the hard times, and for answering our prayers for each other.  Father, God, You are the Greatest Blessing of all.  Amen

Happy Father's Day

HAPPY FATHER 'S DAY!
To all the Fathers who give unconditionally, your children have been blessed by your example one hundred times over. Thank you.

SOMETHIG TO THINK ABOUT

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT. . .

A friend came to visit. 
She said that she is learning to extend grace to those who tend to annoy her. 
I love it.   
To consciously make the choice to view that irritating person 
with grace when they get on your nerves.
          EXTEND GRACE

My friend also said, 
you can tell where your hope is by the things you say.
Is your hope in the government? 
Is it in your financial security? 
Is your hope found in God?  
A good reminder for me. 
I can get too caught up in the here and now, my fears and concerns.  
          WHERE IS YOUR HOPE?

Thanks my friend, 
for these two reminders.