Have you ever felt like you were pushed up against the wall and there was no way of escape? I don't like the feeling. As I lay awake this week into the early morning hours contemplating my misery not knowing the best way to deal with an impossible (at least it felt impossible) situation. I felt full frustration and anger with that which I could not change and do not have the resources to alter. It felt like an impasse, me against my foe (which I won't take the liberty to tell you!). But, as always, a break-through came eventually. It involves something I will call "surrender".
Many times over I have come to places in my life when I have been literally overwhelmed, too anxious or weary to deal with a situation, taking me to a place where I have had to fully trust in God to get me through it. Every time it is different than before, not only is the situation different, but my dependency on God alters in some way. No two experiences are identical. The curious thing is, as a result I will feel a sense similar to that of the lightning of a load; a burden, or care, its darkness being lifted and peace entering as it flees. It is one of those things which can be explained but is not understood until once experienced.
As a timid person, I have had many fears. But the hardest things for me are those things which come my way uninvited, things that I don't think I can surmount the obstacles. For other people, they have their own set of challenges. I think our Father God must long to hear us say, "Father, I can't do it. Help me. I need you, I can't do this but I know you can. Show me the way and help me. I can't do it without you. I ask for wisdom, strength and your help. I love you." It is the cry of a child in need of a parent. The parent is gentle, wise, and all-caring. How glad I am for his gift-love to me, and that I am not alone in the time of difficulty.
